Nancy Monson
Many people use crafts to heal themselves emotionally and spiritually—to reduce stress, boost their self-esteem and work through traumatic experiences. That’s certainly how I use quilting. It’s as much therapy as recreation for me!
I first experienced the healing power of crafts when I began making a quilt while going through a divorce in the summer of 2000. I was taking a workshop that explored the use of decorative threads on quilt tops, and for some reason I decided to give myself permission to make up the quilt as I went along. I had no real plan, which is not the way I usually work at all.
So I was bold and in the process. I didn’t rush to finish this project and start a new one. I didn’t constrain myself by insisting I do things “the right way,” a dictum I had I applied to my life and my quilting. Instead, I just went along with wherever the project wanted to take me. I worked on the quilt over several weeks, and I began to see that the evolving design was expressing some of the chaos and confusion I was feeling as I went through my divorce. But as I came to the end of the project, I was disheartened by the finished product. I hated it: The quilt was a busy mishmash.
Maybe I could slide it up and re-piece it, I thought, but I just couldn’t do it. I couldn’t cut into a piece I’d spent so many hours sewing. Instead, I decided to fold it several times on the diagonal and tack it down. And suddenly I loved the way it looked—it now had a kind of mangled, arrow shape to it, which was entirely appropriate to its purpose. It looked like it had been through an antique washing machine—just as I felt I, as a human being, had been—so I named it “My Divorce Quilt: Through the Wringer.”
Divorce Quilt
Nancy Monson blogs about the links between creativity and health.
{ 21 comments… read them below or add one }
I would love to see a photo of this quilt! I too find there is something soothing about repetitive hand work. It’s meditative in a way. Which is why I didn’t mind at all when I had to sew some seams by hand to make a toga for my teen’s Halloween costume. I’m not the artisan you are, but I do find it soothing.
I love the thought, “this quilt made me feel whole again” and what you called your quilt. Yes, please post a photo. This reminded me of the AIDS quilt that helped people all over the country grieve for loved ones who had passed away. One needs to grieve for a divorce the same way. Wish I had had this idea after my divorce.
What a beautiful story. Like Brette, I’d love to see a photograph of the quilt. It sounds so unique — the finished product — and the experience of making it sounds really liberating. Thank you for writing about this. Divorce is so hard.
Unlike creating a conventional quilt using a pattern, sounds as if you were “piecing your life back together” which made plain the process we go through everyday–piecing the puzzle of our lives together. The trauma of divorce perhaps causing this psycho/spiritual reality of the process to become visible in a new and powerful way. Maybe that is way crafts can heal us–we are creating in a tangible way the expressions of the intangible Self.
Another good reason to get back to my woodcrafting!
What a lovely story, Nancy. It’s so powerful to be able to translate your feelings in such a creative way. I’m sure the quilt is beautiful and tells many stories. I’ll never look at quilts quite the same way again after reading your take!
I love to quilt. I’m particularly Type A, during the piecing process, which I find kind of stressful — probably because I do big bed-size quilts that take forever. BUT, the actual quilting part … is oh-so Zen for me. My stitches will never be as consistent as my Gram’s, but I try really hard. When people say, “Oh, I’d never have the patience to quilt.” I reply, “Quilting doesn’t require patience. It teaches patience.”
Hi All,
Thanks for your comments (and thanks Jen for giving me the forum!). Actually, that’s the quilt right there with the post–I photographed it hanging on a fence.
And Roxane, you’re so right–quilting does teach patience. I am NOT a patient person, but it helps me take a deep breath and take a step back. I’ve actually moving away from fussy piecing and big quilts because they’re NOT therapeutic for me. I’m doing more art quilts so I can just do what I want and really enjoy the process.
Peace!
Nancy
Nancy
I never thought of quilts in this symbolic way before. There is something comforting about them, perhaps because the tradition itself seems to be handed down from a matriarch to a matriarch. I still have a quilt top that was started by my great great grandmother. I hope to finish it someday… It’s on the life list.
I love that Nancy used quilting as a means to heal from her divorce. It’s much like how I used my bike. The repetitive motion and solitude offered meditative time that wouldn’t have been there otherwise. Great story. I love finding these connections. You can quilt or bike or journal or do yoga or row or whatever you connect with as a means to heal from any challenge in life. It’s a great way to find your faith, faith that your life will be renewed or restored in time.
I think crafting or expressing creativity is a great way to express our feelings. I think that is how many of us became writers and why some writers, actors, crafters, do their best work when they’re working through issues.
Great job, Nancy!
Any type of art can be incredibly therapeutic, and I love the notion that the folding symbolized folding away memories. And the finished quilt really is beautiful and artistic!
What a beautiful and insightful story!! Not many people would allow their inner feelings to influence their work, but then again, isn’t that what art is?? Lovely
Just beautiful – in quilt form and essay. What a wonderful way of translating experience. Thank you.
Insightful, lovely essay–what more can I say than echo the other comments. Your thoughts reminded me of an poem (essay?) I read eons ago in some college comparative lit class–In Search of Our Mother’s Gardens. If I remember right, the gist of it was that the woman writing the poem could never understand why her mother spent all her time gardening until she realized it was her mother’s way of expressing herself in a medium she enjoyed–plants. Thanks for sharing,
What a lovely story. I’m not even remotely crafty, so during my own divorce I took cooking classes. At the time I thought it was just to keep myself busy, but perhaps there’s a healing metaphor in there somewhere…
I love this and know I always feel better when I am dong something crafty…it’s about losing yourself in the project and having something to show for it at the end at the same time. I need to do more of that.
Making the quil wasn’t a conscious process of healing…I only realized it was my “divorce quilt” after working on it for several months. I think we often do that, as you’ve all said–with cooking, biking, whatever. We need to go to a place where we can be still. For me, that is quilting–if I don’t get too type A about it. There are aspects of being creative and trying to make art that are counter-productive to healing. It you get too perfectionistic, if you compare your work to others’ work too much, if you just rush through it to finish rather than enjoying the process. These are lessons I have to teach myself over and over again so I can enjoy my quilt-making!
I have to agree. Crafting is so relaxing because it lets you forget about everything except the task at hand. I scrapbooked away many, many hours while anxiously awaiting baby number one. I scrapbooked some more while waiting for baby number two. It gave me an outlet for all my excess energy.
Beautiful story, BTW. Thanks for sharing.
Nancy and Jen, thanks for this. I have so much trouble relaxing and being in the moment. I’ve tried crafting as a therapeutic activity, and it can work occasionally, but not always. I guess I’m still trying to find my own personal craft that will help me break through.
I love this story. As someone who has used crafts to heal on the road to recovery from a stroke, I can completely relate.
Actually, now that I remember back, I did a lot of origami when I was in the middle of my divorce. Hmmm.
How inspiring! I love the idea of working through emotional chaos this way – and the concept of quilt as metaphor. I guess Nancy’s divorce quilt is kind of a variation on the crazy quilt? I find freeform writing has a similar therapeutic effect. And there’s nothing like a bag of jewelry findings, beads, wire and a pair of pliers when you can’t sleep at night. Better than Ambien!